Trauma on the Playground
Meet Scott
As a 45 year old manager of a large corporation, Scott appears poised, intelligent, and powerful. He is, in fact, all of those things, but deep inside he suffers from Imposter Syndrome, a deep insecurity that he doesn’t deserve the role he’s in at work and is always afraid that he’ll be found out as a fraud and let go from his job. Little does he know that his current insecurities link back to bullying that he experienced on the playground in elementary school.
“Imposter syndrome is the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways.” - betterup.com
The Playground Bullies
The commonly perceived “right-of-passage” bullying experiences on the playground contributed to Scott’s anxieties and belief that he was not good enough. He was a smaller child and was often taunted for his size and constantly picked on during recess. Despite growing up to be an average size, receiving stellar grades in high school through graduate school, and having a delightful personality with considerable kindness, he couldn’t shake the belief that he simply wasn’t good enough.
“I’m not good enough” - one of the the most commonly held cognitive distortions believed by some of the most successful people.
While Scott enjoyed being in romantic relationships, he was always concerned that he wasn’t good enough for his partners and over-compensated for his perceived flaws and became highly codependent. He often dated partners who took advantage of him, used him for his money, became verbally abusive if they didn’t get their way, and made him responsible for their mistakes. Scott got caught up in a negative cycle of dating and marrying partners who chewed him up and spit him out. He tried everything to make them happy, but his own deep dissatisfaction was the true problem.
“Codependency is a circular relationship in which one person needs the other person, who in turn, needs to be needed. The codependent person, known as 'the giver,' feels worthless unless they are needed by — and making sacrifices for — the enabler, otherwise known as 'the taker.'“
The 3rd divorce was a wake-up call
Scott realized that there was a common denominator in all 3 of his divorces - himself. He knew that something needed to change, but didn’t know what. Scott was exhausted from trying to make all of his previous partners happy, but realized that he was suffering from a deep dissatisfaction in his soul and had no idea what what to do about it. After performing some Internet searches, he became familiar with the terms codependent, trauma, anxiety, and depression. Scott decided that it was all too much to deal with on his own and scheduled an appointment with a counselor who specialized in those concerns.
Ah-Ha Moment
During a particular enlightening counseling appointment, Scott recognized that there is a part of him that still feels like he’s on the playground being bullied. His sensitivity, while helpful in many scenarios, became debilitating in relationships and led to his codependency. All he wanted was to belong, to love, and to be loved. Scott spent time working with that part of him and was able to nurture, encourage, and love that part into wholeness. Between his work with that part and processing his traumatic experiences on the playground through EMDR, Scott began to experience a sense of integration that strengthened his entire being. He began to recognize his worth and could honestly say, “I AM good enough.”
Do you see yourself in Scott?
Begin Adult Trauma Counseling in Columbus, Ohio. You don’t have to suffer any longer.