The Micro-stressors of Motherhood: The ‘Crispy’ Mom

Meet Jane.  She is the quintessential mom of 3 young children, all under the age of 10.  Jane loves being a mom and dreamed of it since she was a child herself.  She is loving, attentive, and engaging with all of her kids, but she harbors a secret.  Jane has days when she resents being a mom. She feels like her body and mind are not her own, the messes are endless, runny noses abound, and she dreams of a kidless vacation.

“When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.  A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.”  - Sophia Loren

Feeling a little ‘crispy.’ By 9:00am Jane has already made 4 different breakfasts (none for herself), ran 2 kids to the bus stop, dropped off a lunch that her oldest forgot to take with her, been to the dentist with her youngest, and cleaned up vomit from the cat.  She is exhausted and the day has barely begun.  Jane often fantasizes about a spa day, a girls’ night out, or having hotel sex with her husband, who often tells her that he feels neglected.  She feels like she’s taking care of everyone, but subsequently failing everyone.  Jane is grateful for her beautiful life, but she’s feeling a little 'crispy.’ She needs some time away - time to recharge and to take care of herself before she becomes fully burned out.

10 Signs You May Be a Burned Out Mom:

• Fatigue

• Lack of enjoyment, in general

• Yelling

• Reduced Enjoyment of Kids

• Zoning Out

• Physical Complaints

• Sleeping Challenges

• Feelings of Overwhelm

• Lack of Motivation

• Increase in substance use & other unhealthy habits

Jane is experiencing micro stressors. According to Dr. Ranjan Chatterjee, author of The Stress Solution, many moms experience what he has coined “Micro Stress Doses.” These micro stressors build up throughout the day and can end up pushing your nervous system into its sympathetic state of flight, fight, or freeze. While Jane has never experienced Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) or what she would qualify as serious trauma, she is feeling the same effect in her body because her stressors have built up over time with no pressure release. Jane is feeling the stress in her body, finds herself reaching for her ‘mommy juice’ (i.e. wine) more often, and is not sleeping well. She finds herself waking in the middle of the night worried about her kids and worried that she’ll never be a good enough mom. Jane is mired in guilt and feels bad taking time to herself, but she knows that something has to give.

Time for a change. Jane knows that she needs to make changes, but isn’t sure how or what to do. She confides in a dear friend who refers her to a counselor who specializes in mindfulness work for relaxation. It’s within the safety of the counselor’s office that she releases years of pent-up tears, worries, frustrations, and anger. Jane learns that if she doesn’t take better care of herself then she’s no good to anyone else. She also recognizes how important it is to model good self-care to her kids and for them to recognize that it’s important for mom to have time to herself. Jane brings her husband into a few sessions and they make plans for date nights and a few weekend getaways without the kids to foster their marriage. Her husband acknowledges that he needs to step up more and take more responsibility for childcare and chores. And Jane realizes that it’s okay to ask him for help when she needs it, instead of taking on the role of a martyr, which only serves to build resentment against him.

Building a mindfulness practice. Jane begins practicing different forms of mindfulness with her counselor and then builds on that practice on her own. She falls in love with guided meditations, mindful walking, yoga, and deep breathing and learns to manage her stress. Jane begins teaching her kids those same practices, particularly deep breathing when they get upset. She shifts the entire dynamic of her home through a few changes in her personal life. Jane enjoys her time more with her kids because she is rested, present, and joyful as a result of her mindfulness journey and her deeper connection with her husband. She recognizes that an investment in herself is also an investment in her children, which significantly reduces her unnecessary guilt about doing things for herself.

Do you see yourself in Jane?

Begin Adult Trauma Counseling in Columbus, Ohio.  You don’t have to suffer any longer.