Sexual Trauma: 3 Common Reactions
RAPE STATISTICS
Let’s start with some statistics to understand just how prevalent sexual trauma is for women. According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network), “1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime.” That stat doesn’t include the wide range of sexual trauma, which will be further discussed. But first, a few more stats about the reactions to those rapes or attempts, according to RAINN: “30% of women report symptoms of PTSD 9 months after the rape. 33% of women who are raped contemplate suicide. 13% of women who are raped attempt suicide. Approximately 70% of rape or sexual assault victims experience moderate to severe distress, a larger percentage than for any other violent crime.” Within any given female friend group, there is at least one of those women who has experienced rape or attempted rape and, most likely, there are even more that have experienced sexual trauma.
The Broad Range of Sexual Trauma
The bottom line is this: any form of unwanted (i.e. NO consent given) physical or sexual contact that leads to feelings of fear, discomfort, pain, or being trapped can result in trauma or PTDS symptoms.
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2 CASE STUDIES
While every woman’s experience is different, there are several common reactions that are seen in many women. Some women don’t experience any of these and that is often a result of immediately seeking help, having a strong social support network, lacking any previous traumatic experiences, utilizing healthy coping strategies, engaging in a healthy lifestyle, and having an adaptive mindset. Here’s an example of 2 women who experienced significant sexual trauma, but their reactions were wildly different:
32 year old female who experienced a violent rape while on a late evening walk and was held at gunpoint. She did not know her attacker and he was wearing a ski mask. Immediately following the rape, she called a dear friend to pick her up and was taken straight to the hospital. A full exam and rape kit were administered, she was assigned a sexual assault advocate, given her legal options, and provided with referrals for counseling. She opted out of any legal options and chose to schedule a counseling appointment with an EMDR therapist and started therapy within 2 weeks, while continuing to receive support from her dear friend, her advocate, and eventually her family and long-term, committed boyfriend. She was incredibly close to her family and her parents provided support and also gave her a sense of safety and protection. Her boyfriend was understanding and went to several counseling appointments with her to better understand how to support her as she was healing and was sensitive to her need to abstain from sex for awhile during the healing process. She maintained her strong sense of self, didn’t blame herself, and knew that she would come away from this as a survivor who could help others.
21 year old female who experienced sexual trauma while intoxicated and, as a result, was unable to give consent. She was groomed and coerced by a known “friend” and had to beg him to stop once she “came to” and realized what was happening. To add to the complexity of the case, she was married and her “friend” knew this, but took advantage of her drunkenness and her vulnerability, since he knew that she was in an unhappy and toxic marriage. She blamed herself because she was drunk and agreed to get into a car with him. She also had a history of being taken advantage of by guys in high school and had attachment wounds from her relationship with her father. Previous to the assault, she had already developed the belief that she wasn’t good enough and was taught in her religious home and school that it was the “duty” of women to sexually please men. She believed that what she did was considered a one night stand and that she committed adultery. She was deeply mired in shame and ended up becoming promiscuous, abusing alcohol, and then struggled with intimacy in other committed relationships later on in life.
We must send a message across the world that there is no disgrace in being a survivor of sexual violence—the shame is on the aggressor.”
— Angelina Jolie, American actress and human rights activist
3 COMMON SEXUAL TRAUMA REACTIONS
Promiscuous Behavior
This is often the most misunderstood reaction to sexual trauma. Many people ask why someone who was raped would go out and seek more sex and often in risky situations that involve drugs and/or alcohol. The answer lies in the need for power and control. Once that power was taken, there can be a deep-seated need to reclaim that power, even if it’s subconscious. Many women are not fully aware of why they’re engaging in that behavior, but it can become compulsive.
Difficulty with Sex in Intimate Relationships
This response can seem equally confusing, particularly if the same woman has a promiscuous reaction to sexual trauma AND she struggles with sex in intimate relationships. The difference lies in the vulnerability of sex within intimate relationships. While sex can simply be a release, in intimate relationships it’s also about true connection and the vulnerability of baring not just your body, but your soul to another human being. For those of you who remember the movie Pretty Woman, you may remember Julia Robert’s character describing her rules to Richard Gere’s character. She did not allow kissing on the mouth, because it was too intimate. For her to continue prostituting herself, she couldn’t get too close. She said, “When I’m with a guy, I’m like a robot. I just do it.” When that becomes your mentality to remain emotionally safe, the closeness of an intimate relationship can seem terrifying because of the fear of getting hurt, again.
Drug and Alcohol Abuse
Sexual trauma is so deeply wounding to the soul that the effects can be difficult to face. Using drugs and/or alcohol, simply put, can numb the pain. Additionally, drugs and alcohol often go hand-in-hand with promiscuity to make it easier to go through with those behaviors. It can also include an attitude of “I deserve to have fun” after all of that pain and trauma. Who wants to sit around and think about their trauma when they could be out partying and not feeling any pain? The challenge is that the drug and alcohol abuse can often lead to more trauma and, potentially, to addiction. They may numb the pain in the moment, but it’s not a long-term solution.
ARE YOU READY TO ADDRESS YOUR SEXUAL TRAUMA REACTIONS?
Begin Adult Trauma Counseling in Columbus, Ohio. You don’t have have to suffer any longer.